its been a while

it has been awhile since i last post something on this blog..and it has been awhile since i wrote something about him..dont want to ponder on it i guess..but i do need to get this weight out of my mind..ok..so..i once told him this..i cannot let go of him unless he lets go of me..coz im not strong enough to do that..i dont want to..yet..i still want to cling on him..as long as i can..to be by his side..as long as i can..and the next day he told me that..he still cant let go of me..so thats how it is right now..but recently it seems he has been quite clod towards me..ok..i understand that he have exams..and he needed to concentrate on studying..but even after the exams it still continued..i..gave up..to trying to connect with him..actually i gave up the week before he had his exams..coz at that time he didnt seemed like he wanted to do anything with me..so much..he still had evernthing his way..he's doing everything at his own pace..the way he wanted it..he just couldnt care less about everything else..i know that much long time ago..its just that..it sucks real damn bad just when he knew i wanted to spend more time with him..i mean he couldnt even looked interested when im with him..i just dont seem to fit in his own little world..i gave up..on everything that includes him..yes..i may be still bound to him..but i guess its not as strong as it is before..i dont have the enthusiatism(i know i spell this wrong,well..screw me) to tell him anything anymore..i have nothing to share with him..im just an outsider..i was before..i am now..and i will still be in the future..i dont know if our paths will cross in the future..but now..there's no hope in us..i know this since before..and i know he knows..well..he knows his feelings better than me..so of course he would know..

prayer

God help me...lead me out of this misery...give me strength to walk on this road i've chosen...so that i'll not astray from the path that i'm suppose to tread on...God help me...amin...