zati~

ok di sini saya nk nyatakan bbrpe perkara~

first of all, aku sgt terkejut dgn the fact dat ko tgl serumah dgn kucing.

second, aku x sngke korg beli kucing kt sana! tau la mmg kucing bley bli n kucing sgt mahal..but still.....

third, tahniah n syabas coz dpt pegang kucing!hahaha..xdpt byg wehh.sdgkn slame nie ko sgt takut dgn mereka..kan aku da kate..dorg akn pegi kt ko punye coz ko memancarkan aura 'takut' tuu.hahaha.so klu xnk dorg terkam jgn la kluarkn aura tu.haha.lek sudeyy

fourth,YAAAAA AKU SGT JELES!!kucing tu sangat comelllllllllllllllll n sgt putihhhhhhhhhhhhh n sgt gebuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! miow~~

ok nie sume didedikasikan to u zati.haha

tidak ada tempat untuk mengadu selain kepada-Nya..

nightmare

my worst nightmare has come back to haunt me..people say that time heals but does time heals any wound?probably..but i do not believe it entirely..however i am certain that time surely does not help us forget..i certainly don't..and that is why it has come back to haunt me..you can never outrun your past..it will always be inside you..apart of you..and it can determine the picture of your future..i am constantly in fear of what future has for me..whether what i dream of for my future will be there to fill it in..but no matter how many times i dream of my future, my worst nightmare will always be there to darken it..i am afraid..from the time i realise of what my mind is capable of thinking,envision of of the future, i am constantly in fear..not even the love of everyone that i love can wipe off my fear..not even the warmth of knowing the truth of his dark life can get rid of this fear..love is something that i am not capable of grasping..though i know the feeling but not even love can give me the strength to believe in my partner..because i am not certain that he is capable of accepting the fact of my nightmare..that is why i am afraid of the future..if the time comes for me to come clean, i will prepare myself to disappear from his world forever..for i am not willing to hurt him or my loved ones..though i wish that nightmare will perish in the hand of God..for i could only believe in the love that God give me and the strength that He gives me to continue living on this land..if not for Him who diminish those thoughts most of the time throughout my life, i would have died by suicide or living mentally sick somewhere in this sick world..

saya sekarang

setelah beberapa hari hati saya tidak tenang,hari ini hati saya tenang.semalam saya telah membuat satu keputusan untuk mengharap sesuatu yang tidak patut saya harapkan.dan keputusannya mengecewakan.saya telah membuat keputusan bahawa saya tidak akan mengharap lagi seperti semalam.justeru itu, hati saya menjadi tenang.

apabila hati saya telah menjadi tenang,perkara yang saya tidak harapkan untuk berlaku, berlaku pula.namun saya redha dan akan melaluinya dengan tabah.walau apa pun yang terjadi, saya tetap tidak akan putus asa.saya akan terus berusaha untuk merealisasikan apa yang telah saya mulakan.

step by step fizah.there's no need to rush.these things take time.^_^

now

people come and go in our lives.

just like you said to me.

i always thought that we were meant for each other.

never once i thought that a day would come

where i would make a decision to get rid of you out of my life.

i was not meant for you.

and you were not meant for me.

i cherish the moments that we had together

but i have to move on.

there's a reason we have to say goodbyes.

although we said we knew each other so well

that we can read each other,

we never were.

i am never to stay.

i come and i eventually go.

so do you.

we start off well.

so lets end this well as well.

tekad

sblm ni sye telah buat satu tekad..iaitu untuk tidak on FB ari2 blaja..meaning on sats n suns jela on..n alhamdulillah stakat ni sye berjaya merealisasikan tekad sye ni..sejak naik cuti sye start..n skrg sye nk buat lg satu tekad..sye btekad ntuk melupakan die..bolehkah sye melakukannye?psoalan ini suda bmain dlm fikiran sye btahun2 lamenye ye rakan2..kerna nmpknye sye ni tidak serik2 dipermainkan,diperkotak-katikkan,dikecewakan,disakethatikan..ad satu name ntuk golongan yg suke disakiti hatinye ni tapi sye lupe apakah istilah nye..bole kah anda mbntu sye?kpd sape2 yg mbaca..sye nk tau istilah ntuk golongan sebegini..ye sye tahu sye budu..sye mberi alasan bahwa sye ini loyal~ adakah excuse ini boleh digunapakai??

namun begitu,sblm die fly sye telah mbuat stu tekad juge..sye kate pada diri sye..sye akan bg diri sye chance ntuk indulge dlm prsn ini sehingga die fly..n then sye akn buat keputusan finale..pada hari ptame die sudah tidak ada di malaysia,sye tewas dgn prsn n berendam dgn tasik buatan sendri..n sye juga tidak dpt melelapkn mte pd mlm tersebut..biarlah hari tu hari terakhir air mate sye tumpah ntuk die,kate sye..jadi sye perlu menangis sepuas-puasnye agar tidak ada lg air mate ntuk die..keesokkan harinye sye sprti biase..sehingga lah die meng'cntct' sye pd hari kamis..wlupon number x dikenali namun sye tahu itu die..n sye kegembiraan..n die kol esoknye..pd jumaat ptg..n last pd jumaat mlm..ari yg sme..ketika itu, sye sedang mghadiri kem pemntapan rohani..n fasilitator sye ad la berbicara mgenai hati..n hati sye tdetik ntuk berubah..n sye teringat kembali tekad sye sblm die fly tu..

tekad sye skng,sye nk lupakan die..mampukah sye melakukannye?insyaAllah..sye sedar sye telah byk kali tewas dlm ptarungan prsn ini..namun skrg peluang terbuka luas n sye perlu merebutnye..doakanlah agar sye berjaya..^_^

let be..

pls..let all the tears for him fall today and begone..

let the silence of the night be my companion..

let this aching feeling stay here today n today only..

let it not be there tomorrow when the sun wakes up again..

let this memory lingers for awhile n go when the time comes..

let my heart be strong n keep going on..

let my prayers be heard..

let me not feel false hope..

let me go of him..

let him be the him that he prays to be..

pls..pls..pls..

let these all pls be true..

let me smile brightly with no underlying feelings..

pls..

fly~

today 5th of october, 9:43 am...

today is the only the day that i do not appreciate pn rita's story of her family..i do not want to hear them..why cant today,just today she skipped all her stories about her family?i want the class to end fast!9:50 am he was suppose to enter the plane already!i cant concentrate in class..i couldnt..i ran as fast as i could as soon as the class ended..nearing 9:44 am,i called him..the first time he didnt pick up..the second..luckily..

me:'da pass security sume?'

him:'da..skng kat lounge(kot)..tgl nk msk plane je..'

me:'o ey?sape lg anta?'

him:' mak dgn nenek..dorg ikut skali..nty kte smpai kt sne kul 3 pg malaysia'

me:'o ye?ad tuka plane kat ne2 x?'

him:'ad..kat dubai..'

me:'msk kul bpe?'

him:'9.50..'

me:'skng da kul bpe?'

him:'emm..da 9.49..'

me:'ha??9.49 da??'

him:'aah..ohh pintu die da bkak'

me:'da bkak?'

him:'aah..k la nk g da ni'

me:'emm..'

him:'emm..'

me:'ok'

him:'ok babai..'

me:'emm..'

(sob3)..

ramadhan 2010

salam ramadhan al-mubarak to all muslim..i know dat my ilmu agama masih cetek..and i still have a lot to improve..but u know..there's just sumting dat when every ramadhan comes,i just don't seem to get satisfied wif certain people..

usually when ramadhan comes, i will go tarawih at the surau behind my house..n i just dont understand..u know dat tarawih kat surau is berjemaah..u know dat when u berjemaah u have to be close to each other and there should not be any space between the person on each of your side..and what's wif the problem of moving in front when there is kekosongan..how can we even bersatu when these small things dianggap sprti angin lalu..n what's more most of those people are older people..a group of people who have suppose to know these small things..eventhough u may not ada ilmu yang sangat mendalam ttg agama but these things are small!even the primary schoolers know this!n paling xley blah, there's this one time i want to salam semut, that other person may not know and not familiar wif salam semut..nvm dat..but!xpayah la nk tarik tgn cepat2..mcm la kotor sgt tgn sy nie kak oii..sabar jela hati......

intec

waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!da lme gle x update blog..aku da stat blaja blik..weeeeeeeeee~~ my destination is ireland bebehh!wohoo!haha..psycho..anyway,da 3 minggu i started my classes..for now i think its still ok..only i need to improve on my passion in bio and add a little bit of enthusiasm..huhu..dont worry fizah..u'll learn to love it..u HAVE to..its COMPULSORY..u'll be learning it for THE REST OF UR LIFE..dats y u HAVE to love it..^_^

me now

i am doing the best that i cn right now..i think..based on the update from day-to-day that i've done,it seems that i gave in to my feelings this week..i was rather fine the week before..but this week has been tough..i just hope i cn pull this off..i hope i cn do this..some of them said i cn do it..some have their doubts..well certain times i have confidence in myself..but like yesterday i just dont..i am going to do this..once and for all..i cn do this..

its been a while

it has been awhile since i last post something on this blog..and it has been awhile since i wrote something about him..dont want to ponder on it i guess..but i do need to get this weight out of my mind..ok..so..i once told him this..i cannot let go of him unless he lets go of me..coz im not strong enough to do that..i dont want to..yet..i still want to cling on him..as long as i can..to be by his side..as long as i can..and the next day he told me that..he still cant let go of me..so thats how it is right now..but recently it seems he has been quite clod towards me..ok..i understand that he have exams..and he needed to concentrate on studying..but even after the exams it still continued..i..gave up..to trying to connect with him..actually i gave up the week before he had his exams..coz at that time he didnt seemed like he wanted to do anything with me..so much..he still had evernthing his way..he's doing everything at his own pace..the way he wanted it..he just couldnt care less about everything else..i know that much long time ago..its just that..it sucks real damn bad just when he knew i wanted to spend more time with him..i mean he couldnt even looked interested when im with him..i just dont seem to fit in his own little world..i gave up..on everything that includes him..yes..i may be still bound to him..but i guess its not as strong as it is before..i dont have the enthusiatism(i know i spell this wrong,well..screw me) to tell him anything anymore..i have nothing to share with him..im just an outsider..i was before..i am now..and i will still be in the future..i dont know if our paths will cross in the future..but now..there's no hope in us..i know this since before..and i know he knows..well..he knows his feelings better than me..so of course he would know..

prayer

God help me...lead me out of this misery...give me strength to walk on this road i've chosen...so that i'll not astray from the path that i'm suppose to tread on...God help me...amin...

haihh..

betting it all in the fate's hand..it seems that is the best way..i always hope for this to go along the normal way..but then again..u yourself are not normal..so of course we cant go by normal means do we?ever since i know u..i can never stop caring bout u..is that a good thing?or a bad thing?i wonder why the attraction is soo strong?even though countless times i've been hurt..but still..i dont seem to learn my lesson..just thinking bout this whole thing is a pain in the ass..i guess ill just go with the flow..i wonder where itll take me though..aiyoyo..

...

am i the only one who wants this?i know already..from the start..im in this alone..but still..it kinda hurts when im told things that shows that im in this alone..is it so wrong for me to want to meet him?is it so wrong for me to miss him?is it so wrong for me to want to walk with him?is it so wrong for me to hang out with him?is it so wrong for me to want all this things?we dont have that much time do we?so why cant u put up with me for a bit?we both know that this thing will end no matter what..so is it so wrong for me to make it as memorable for me as i want it to be?am i asking too much from u?tell me if i am..if all this is a bother to u then please tell me..so that i can stop all this pestering that u dislike..am i really asking too much from u?i know..its pointless to hope for anything from u..u said that yourself..i dont intend to hope much..its just..i want to make it as memorable as i can..is it too much to ask?

kt nak jugak!

do u believe in falling 4 d second time?i dont know if i do..but i think i am falling 4 d scnd time..is it wrong?i want it so muchh..is it wrong?even when there r chances dat it might slipped away from my hands..i still want it..i want it so bad......

my ring

i've heard someone said this before..if u ever want to give something to someone precious,give something that is dear to you..i..had a friend..he was transferred to somewhere else..i dont know how long though..he gave me a watch as a gift for my spm result..i do intend to give him something before i stop working this month..something that i buy that is..but two days ago he suddenly said today he had to be transferred..at 1pm was the last time i saw him and waved goodbye..after half an hour later,i was so bored and kept looking and searching..hoping that he would show up somehow..which he did not..yesterday was the last day he worked here..so before i went back home,i asked to see him for a while..and i gave him my ring..that i bought two years ago..i wore that ring almost everyday of my form five life..and everyday when i work..now i felt weird for not wearing one..i like that ring..i cant say i love it coz its a ring that i bought..but a day without it doesnt feel right..i dont know why i gave him my ring..all i know is i want to give him something..but i dont have time to buy anything for him on such a short notice..and what i have on me that i own that time is my dear ring..sooo the rest is history..he wears a silver necklace..that's where i slipped the ring in..so that he wont lost it..i dont know how i will feel if he'd lost it..i'll be super sad i guess..the ring had my nickname carved on it..hmm..i really need to find a new one ASAP..it doesnt feel right without one..

u win some u lose some ayte?

yesterday was a happy day for me..seriously happy!i got straight As for my spm!alhamdulillah...i didnt cry when i got my result..not even tears of happiness want to come out..i wonder why..tpi time nk menunggu die umum nama2 straight As tu , i felt like my heart's thumping like crazzzzyyy!seriously sayang sgt yana xdpt straight gakk..antra kitorng 4, 2 nanes 2 xnanes..n smlm i saw my neighbour!he came!!!seriously i missssssssssssss him sooooooooooooo muchhhh!!!!tapi im afraid of rejection..akuk nk tegur tapi xberani..at least i know he noticed me..he saw me but didnt came to me..so i understand already..im glad i can control my emtions..rs nk terjun dri pentas ble nmpk die pun ad gak au senanye..hehh..extremee..i know..at least i know that he knows what i wanted him to know..i almost cried ble yana ckp2 pasl result die tapi!! xnaness..hampiirrr...tapi x..but malangnye aku nanes mlm tu..danggg..

today! is a saaaaaaadddd day for me..i failed!!!!for test jln rye..buhuhuhu..tester tu baekk..tapi die perli aku giler2..siap pgl aku bodoh lagi..waw..jarang jmpe org yg straight forward dgn aku nie..tepaatt kna batang hidung..ouchh..it hurts man..ni la org yg pgl aku bodoh n btol2 mksdkan nye..bkn bodoh yg dak2 remaje slalu gne bile bckp kosong..huhu..ouchh again..and untuk mengubati hati aku yg duka lara,tadi aku g tgk solomon kane..bezzzz giler..siap bwk psp g vivo..men sampai bis betri..heh..mampos klu jd pape kt psp tuhh..

got tagged

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

drama king-muh & black

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

my immortal-evanescence

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

revolusi-bunkface

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

aku scandal-hujan(weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

say all i need-one republic

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

just stand up-mix artiss

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

with you-christ brown

WHAT DO YOU YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

black or white-MJ

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

itik gembo2-A to Z

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

be on you-flo rida feat neyo

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

i'm yours(??)-jason mraz

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

love story-taylor swift

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
sweet child of mine-gun n roses

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

down-jay sean feat lil wayne

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

cinta sempurna-yuna

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

already gone-kelly clarkson

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??

my baby you-mark anthony

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

alone-aqua timez(bleach theme song)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

dont say you love me-M2M

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

hanya kau yang mampu-aizat

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

cuppycake-strawberry shortcake

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS

pergi-aizat

me and her

aku ingat nk tulis pada hari yg bersejarah tuh..tapi xsmpat lak nk bukak blog..skng ni ad kesempatan nk tulis aku tulis la..peristiwa nie terjadi pada bday mak aku..xsngke plak akn ad peristiwa laen yg membuatkan tarikh tu mjadi tarikh bersejarah en..for the first time in my life,i had a fight with her..n u know what?its for a stupid damn reason..n for the first time evaa,i felt that ive been betrayed by someone i cared sooooo dammnnnn muchhh..xpernh aku sngke yg aku akn rs saket hati sebegitu skali...nevaaaa once it crossed my mind..n u know what?it hurts a lot..if i think bout it again, it ll just hurt me again..i dont want to write the details here coz i dont want one day later when i read my blog again,when i particularly read this post,ill be reminded by the pain she caused me on that day..i dont want that..u know why?coz i know ill cry..

recap jan..

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!da lama aku xupdate blog akuuuuu!!hahaha.aku xckp pown pasal aku da keje..pasal sape aku usha kt tmpat keje..pasl sape dtg lawat aku..pasal bday aku..n pkembangan seterus2nya...ok......mana nak stat yeh?we start from the beginning..i'll just give a brief recap bout what had happen..

ok..i started working on the first day of 2010..which was first of jan..i work as a waitress at vivo in times square..throughout this month, there are three guys which caught my attention..wahahaha..one works in front and another two works in the kitchen..which is one of the reason i've been the food runner often..hehe..plus i like to be a food runner..the food smells goooood..n of course i get to usha those guys..weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ hahaha..

ok..now lets talk bout my birthday..which has past..the first one to wish me was khushairi..haha..dia siap told me to not open any msg when it strucked 12 coz he wanted to be the first..well duhh~ he called me to wish..of course la he was the first..yy was second ira was third..my besties neverrrr wished me when its 12..not the first time tho..so i didnt really mind..the next day,my birthday, i had to work..i seriously thought that yana forgot my bday coz she act like it was a normal day..she's really an actress..i'll give her the credit..hahaha..to make it short,my besties did a surprise party for me..well just between us four of course..hehe..i cried when i saw far coz i really believed when yana said she couldnt make it..im just soooo surprise that time..da la lama xjmpe..rindu lak enn..mana x naness.haha.blik break abg taju,my manager, siap nyanyi lagu bday smbil mlutut then suapkan kek!hahaha.dorg banje kek.abg taju banje kek.ganesh banje kek.anddd kak lynn,my other manager, banje kek gak..wahahaha..

ok..a few days later aku dapat pos laju..tah dri sape au..aku keje so my dad took it for me..n u know who its from?my ex neighbour..its him!!!n i thought that i would never ever heard from him ever again..i miss him sooooo damnn muchh!!!!seriously..i evn dreamt him before but i never said anything bout it to anyone..that pos laju was the real surprise that he promised me last year..n u know what..he really pull it off..he freaking making me cried my eyes out till it sore BUT in happy2ness..damnn..hahaha..he gave me a blue scarf for me bday..n a small white teddy..i didnt give him a name yet..that bear..AND he wrote me an essay..TWO WHOLE TESTPAD..for freaking out loud..i think i cried each time i read a new sentence..he cramm everything that he could remember bout me in that essay..n thnx for kino's pics..i love them all..i'll cherish everything..although we had an agreement but to me, ure a great friend n yeahh, nhmz + f=ma frens for eva.. =))

ok..next story..aku da xusha org dpn coz he's freaking annoying n he's moooooooooooodyyy..die ikut mood die je nk ckp..ad mood die borak xd mood die x borak..boley jalan la weyyyy..ckp ngan acap lg seronok..xsah klu xsaket prot gelak ckp ngan die..hahaha..n apparently ramai yg xpuas hati ngan aku n yana..well dont wana talk bout dat..nyampah jer..u know the scnd next day of my bday i bring my bday cake nk bg dorg mkn..org yg last mkn santosh au..n u know what he did??lps mkn die siap bsh bekas yg aku bwk tuh!!gila bapk..hahaha..cute ow die tuh..haha..TETAPI!! die tuh nepal..mati2 ku ingat die indian malaysian awl2 au..adoi...hahaha..tp mmg cute a..ad lesung pipit..n his eyes!his eyes are hazellll!!!siap ad rings lg..do....cantekk owww..hahaha..da la die tu pemalu thp gaban nk mampos au..mmg lg cute ahh..hahaha..td time briefing pon byk kli kak lynn usik die..hahaha..die bls malu2 je..cute gilaaa!!!hahahaha..sakai do aku nie..boley usha mamat nepal..yang aku tekejut beroknye enn,the next day die mkn kek aku tuh,die wat something yg out of his world!!!hahaaha..pe bnde tuh...biar la rahsiaaa..

hahahaha..ok la..dats all for now..tataaa..till i meet u again..